Bath Time Reviewed: A Testimonial

 

So fresh and so clean clean

I always thought that the people who wrote the self-help stuff for college students and people in crisis where either full of shit or a bunch of wusses when they would suggest that, when stressed or distressed, one should brew a cup of tea or “take a hot bath.” I typically interpreted such suggestions as an avoidance of real human angst/suffering on the part of the author. I don’t think I would write a very good self-help book. It would probably be full of things like: 

Your anxieties are actually based on some sort of truth, “real” or perceived. 

Call an analyst. 

Self-medicate (choose your own adventure: brownies, marijuana, or nicotine/tobacco. Alcohol should always be avoided: it is far too dehydrating.).

Get angry at whatever or whoever put you in this mood. 

Listen to gangster rap.

Read more philosophy.

Taking a bath seemed so trite and such an empty-signifier of a suggestion to offer someone who was in some sort of duress…

…until now.

FYF: When Passive Aggressive Notes Aren’t Enough

…send your nemesis fecal matter!

I give you the shit senders.

2008 in Review

Greetings from Southern California, or as Jean Baudrillard so lovingly calls my home state, the “desert of the hyperreal.” I write you all while basking in the glimmering sunshine amidst throngs of blonde women clad in velour Juicy Couture tracksuits, UGG boots, and oversized sunglasses. Tonight, I shall feast on vegan cuisine with my favorite globetrotter, Lauren. While my trusted and best beloved lab partner/co-author/homeslice ices over in Massachusetts, I decided to take some time to put 2008 in perspective.

To begin with, 2008 was the year of the Rat. It was also the year that a small army of mice invaded my apartment. Currently, Lo tha Funkee Feline is holding down the fort and keeping the little critters at bay by intimidating and humiliating these small rodent beings. Apparently, she also likes to sadistically humiliate and destroy phone cords.

FYF: Halloween, Theses, Filthy Bathrooms.

Hello, and Fuck You.

I had a very fine Fuck You moment happen this very day. It involved myself crossing a parking lot and a very vociferous, impatient, and extremely rude young woman behind the wheel of her green ’98 Pieceofshit Superterrible. I made to cross from the parking area across the motoring area to the Barnes & Noble when I saw this veritable harpy driving very quickly towards my direction. I hesitated as I don’t enjoy being struck by moving objects, regardless of size, and she quickly applied her brake feeling that she had violated the local sacrament of a pedestrian’s right of way. So as I made motion to cross, she made motion to continue moving as she was clearly embarrassed that I had caught her breaking of taboo and was looking to make a quick escape.

Editorial: On Pubic Shaving

or why i’m in favor of body hair

Preface: First, I would like to state clearly and concisely that I do not look at pornography, rather I enjoy it. I watch it, read it; it is integral to the sanity of a single guy. But within this adult slice of the pop collective is a trend that I have noticed for sometime- this of course being the trend of no or severely reduced body hair. Not just on women but on men as well. Secondly, I am in no way in line with the New Age Hippy Locally Grown Agenda which also seems to be an on-going albeit completely different and odoriferous trend. And lastly,I would like to loosely define body hair as hair on the legs, within the axillary and pubic regions, and in the case of males, hair on the torso. Now we have some parameters. Great.