Summer Sabbatical; IT’S OVER!

I’m going to take the liberty of speaking for the Teletypewriter Dynamic Duo here (something I try not to do most of the time) and say that our trend of barely ever being updated is over. At least for myself. So I guess I am speaking for only myself, and well 50% is better than 0%, or so I recall from those long past days of basic mathematics.

You are what you eat- in this case: secretly red on the inside.

Yesterday was Free Ice Cream Day at my place of employment, and for that moment the raging, red flag flying Socialist in me relented and instead my inner human buried under all the crap of adult life enjoyed the impressionistic and subjective experience of Good Humor’s classic Strawberry Shortcake. It was probably the best thing I’ve eaten all week. Of course I had all sorts of choices at my disposal, the drumstick, chocolate eclair, fudgsicle… no, the choice was obvious and clear. It had to be the Strawberry Shortcake, as I was still previously recovering from the previous night’s ice cream binge of a veritable mountain of triple chocolate ice cream from the less frequented but equally good ice cream shop in town. It was fantastic.

In other, sadly non-ice-cream-related developments, my friend Erik is departing his homeland of Sverige and taking some time to study at my Alma Mater’s business school. I am very pleased with this, and it seems that he is as well. Superb! A friend from far away will be in my neck of the world for a while, and I’ll finally get some one to whom I can get sound business advice from. Stocks? Bonds? Which is really the right choice?Maybe a mutual fund instead? See, this is why I contribute to a pop culture blog, and not Forbes Magazine. But for a little bit I’ll get to host him. So welcome to America, Erik. Home of the free, the brave, and the econopocalypse- Bernanke say’s we’ve hit bottom, we can only go up from there, MBAs ahoy!!

I guess we’ll never know if beer really did fix racism in post-racism America since it wasn’t filmed. Of course the AP had to have a field day with this story. Red, Light and Blue?? Really? Really?! Interrobang?! You guys are ridiculous. You see, this is why print media is going down the toilet, because of shameless puns on any and every story. Either help newspapers sell more ad space and/or increase circulation numbers. Third rate word jokes at the top of what was an interesting story just won’t cut it.

Old news, but Teletypewriter relevant news: Sarah Palin, she’s a quitter!

You betcha!

2012! 2012! I guess I’m “sad” (since I will no longer be politically horrified/entertained) to see her depart the politcal arena, but anxious and excited to see which piece of media air space she’ll choose next to rear her head in. Hunting celebrities from a private helicopter in LA? The American public would pay great money to see that. Either way anything else could only be a step up. Mayber her own late night comedy block or she could even make guest contributions on Boing Boing or… wait… …maybe wordpress?

(Sarah if you’re reading this, email us!! )

Pop Therapy: Origins, Addiction & Revolution

Or The Whitman’s Sampler of Swedish Pop

Recently I returned from a brief jaunt across the Atlantic Ocean and North Sea to the best little Scandinavian country ever- Sweden. Way back when I was still studying at the University of Massachusetts* I was in a study abroad program with Uppsala University. It was there that I made a lot of quality friends while certainly not drinking an obscene amount, nor dancing far too often. It helped that I spent a good chunk of time that with Kalmar Nation, the premier music oriented student collective/co-ed fraternity/student business/social club.

Alive Inside: We’re still here, we swear.

So Desirée is more or less lost to her Thesis for the time being. I’m doing my best learning to live with the temporary loss. In all actuality I’m sitting directly across from her at our local and default hang out spot. She’s whittling away, I’m living the internet life. There’s coffee and mutual quasi-silent hang outs, but we get to share the space together- that’s like hanging out for real, right? 

So to catch you up on the past month and a half that we spent lovingly neglecting this corner of the ‘tubes I give you the quick and nasty via blurb style recapitulation. 

Desirée Rambunctious: She took a x-country trip to another ocean for a brief get away, and came back enthralled and refreshed. She’s been reading and writing a lot and occasionally dreaming about Edward Cullen when not engrossed in The Thesis. Hot, sparkling Edward Cullen on Lord Russ* action. Who are having hot simultaneous make outs with MIA. Bang, bang, bang indeed. Here, I decided to represent these fantastical musings á la Photoshop: 

 

 

-INSERT WITTY PHILOSOPHICAL COMMENTARY HERE-

 

Ian Drinkwater: Werkin’ like a merkin & hanging in there. He’s got a trip to Europe and Scandinavia coming up, so he’s looking forward to that. Stockholm Ahoy!! Quidditch is back in season so the washes have been muddier than usual. The new broom has been great so far- really sturdy, quality workmanship. He made it himself. That shit be custom. He’s also been savoring this brief chance to write in the third person. 

*Lord Russ, a local personality is getting ready for the re-opening of his musical Queen Elvis. This show explores the parallel reality where Elvis Presley is a transvestite. Written and Produced by Lord Russ, this show is at the Center for the Arts. Saturday, April 18, 2009. Show starts at 8:00 p.m. $12.00 Tickets at the door or in advance. Be a local hero; shop local. 

From Mr. Russ’ myspace: “This will be the last area performance for the foreseeable future, so don’t miss it. I will be taking “Queen Elvis – The Musical” to Miami, when I relocate there in May.”

For more info, call 413.584.7327. Or visit www.nohoarts.org.

Cinematic Commentary: REPO! The Genetic Opera @ Friday Night Tower Theaters

I didn’t do a whole lot of anything on Valentine’s Day, it was mostly quiet and spent in- but there was a lovely breakfast which was quite nice. However, the day previous to the sometimes blacklisted VDay there was a whole lot done, without even batting an eye at the coincidentally preceding Friday the 13th (dun dun dun). This included finding tasty new Cajun food at the Big Mamou’s out in Williamsburg (4 handclaps) and seeing a much anticipated REPO! The Genetic Opera…

(caution: personal opinions and spoilers ahead)

“Double-fisting, wooo wooo!”

The above quote just came out of Mr. Drinkwater’s mouth simply moments ago.

I looked up and, there he was, clutching two beverages, one in each hand. In the right hand: a mug of warm, stale “Coke Zero.” In the left: a can of Papst Blue Ribbon (aka PBR, also known locally as “PB-AAAAAAAAH”).

The question for you, dear readers, is…which is worse for our dear Mr. Drinkwater?

Bath Time Reviewed: A Testimonial

 

So fresh and so clean clean

I always thought that the people who wrote the self-help stuff for college students and people in crisis where either full of shit or a bunch of wusses when they would suggest that, when stressed or distressed, one should brew a cup of tea or “take a hot bath.” I typically interpreted such suggestions as an avoidance of real human angst/suffering on the part of the author. I don’t think I would write a very good self-help book. It would probably be full of things like: 

Your anxieties are actually based on some sort of truth, “real” or perceived. 

Call an analyst. 

Self-medicate (choose your own adventure: brownies, marijuana, or nicotine/tobacco. Alcohol should always be avoided: it is far too dehydrating.).

Get angry at whatever or whoever put you in this mood. 

Listen to gangster rap.

Read more philosophy.

Taking a bath seemed so trite and such an empty-signifier of a suggestion to offer someone who was in some sort of duress…

…until now.

The Teletypewriters & U.S. Economic Policy

Hey Durian, what's happening?

Many groups and institutions have been asking for government money in recent months in order to fend back the prevailing tide of economic hardship. Banks, financial managers, the auto and porn industries, jewelry manufacturers and even Harley Davidson have all asked the US federal system for money in order to help save their respective operations. These motions are outrightly socialist in nature, true, but the way that capitalism works is that if no one wants or needs your product, you close up the business and instead make something that the people want. It functions on the basis of a Free Market. Examplum gratis: the fresh durian market is extremely slim in this country because it is a fruit that according to Richard Sterling smells like “pig-shit, turpentine and onions, garnished with a gym sock” and not a lot of people (that we know) are into that sort of thing.

Hello, I am Escalade, and I'll be your server for the evening.

So maybe the American auto industry should have made sleeker, more fuel efficient cars at a lower cost instead of petrol devouring tankers designed to haul one middle aged man and his middle aged wife and their 2.3 Ritalin medicated children. Who are we as the general financing American public to remind a hegemonic oil dependent industry of the primary rules of engagement in the capitalist market? Or who are we to demand honesty in our economic systems? If socialist policies are going to be used to save The American Dream™ then perhaps it ought to be that stated and accepted that capitalism is not sustainable and the economic tremors we have been experiencing are it’s death throes.

Erotic Haiku: Mega Man

by ian drinkwater & trampas locke

Blue helmet man
Needing desperate relief
Let’s eat some E tanks.

FYF: When Passive Aggressive Notes Aren’t Enough

…send your nemesis fecal matter!

I give you the shit senders.

2008 in Review

Greetings from Southern California, or as Jean Baudrillard so lovingly calls my home state, the “desert of the hyperreal.” I write you all while basking in the glimmering sunshine amidst throngs of blonde women clad in velour Juicy Couture tracksuits, UGG boots, and oversized sunglasses. Tonight, I shall feast on vegan cuisine with my favorite globetrotter, Lauren. While my trusted and best beloved lab partner/co-author/homeslice ices over in Massachusetts, I decided to take some time to put 2008 in perspective.

To begin with, 2008 was the year of the Rat. It was also the year that a small army of mice invaded my apartment. Currently, Lo tha Funkee Feline is holding down the fort and keeping the little critters at bay by intimidating and humiliating these small rodent beings. Apparently, she also likes to sadistically humiliate and destroy phone cords.